Rafael's simple and clear words

Also, after a conversation with a coworker about LIFE the other day, he ended it all with "No tengas prisa". Why the HELL have I been feeling PRISA. Why did I try to "Grow Up" while here?? WHY??? Growing up will happen what it's damn well ready. So many other things are knocking at the door for attention (oh, what patience you've had!)

Other Peoples' Wisdom and my Dreams

Few Things. You'll get descriptive travel tales soon, we're hoping.

But for now, two things.

First, we hung with these Aussie chicks in Barcelona. One of them was an accupuncturist and an alternative nutritionist. She studied alternative medicine in both Australia and China. We talked about and worked on my knee, in various ways while I was there. At one point, we're having like a 1.5 hr consultation about the natural remedies I can start experimenting with, and she was talking about treatments that only releive pain, or temporarily treat a problem, and that I have to figure out what in my life is making me knee hurt. That the injury, that pain, is never only physical. Since my injury literally prevents me from moving, what is preventing me from moving?

I can't say I believed much in the metaphysical stuff prior, but you are forced to become so in tune with the nuances of your injury, especially when it feels that no one else can really help you but your self, and it becomes quite too obvious that ALL forms of the human being are tied up together at all points and when put under stress, you will realize and need to realize (and access all parts of) this intertwining.

So I've been thinking since the trip, "What is the real cause of this injury? What is holding me back from my movement as a person?" I'm starting to know what this is, but the things that I'm learning, I am going to keep between me, myself and I. This knowledge is only for the self. This battle I want to keep within me, for now.

1.5 : Today I went to my yoga class. Upon my walk my knee started killing me. I attempted to go to class yesterday, too, but had to turn around during the walk because the knee was hurting too severely. [This current intense pain is due to running many blocks in Barcelona with my backpack in my back in order to jump a bus heading to the airport. We didn't want to miss our flight, but as a result, my knee is rather desecrated]. Today it hurt a little less, and I decided I would at least try it and see what happens. At about my 3rd suryanamaskaram, I stop, stand still. I just can't do this class. I know it will be bad idea for me knee. The teacher walks over. She wants to help me. I tell her, no no its okay I'll just leave..I can't do the class. I also didn't want to pay for the class since I wouldn't be able to fully participate. She insisted that I stay and she proceeded to lead me through my own restorative yoga class while she SIMULTANEOUSLY taught a regular Asthanga class to the rest of the room. She was and is simply amazing. I have had so many yoga teachers in my day and she might be the best. Granted, I have never NEEDED a really good yoga teacher like I do right now, and I have never needed a yoga teacher to be receptive to my being in the way that Paula seems to be tuned into my depths like I do right effing now. I am so happy and so at peace and so pleased that I could do a class, that I did it, that I stuck around, and that I had that experience of practicing 1.5 hours of yoga, instead of doing anything else. AFter class, Paula and I talked a lot, and finally when she got to the point where she said that "You simply can NOT leave when your knee hurts. Do you know how bad it feels to leave a class, to give up? Yoga is about all parts of a person. I don't want you to feel bad. That will not help an injury". I cried a little and she gave me besos when I left. I am so grateful to have even just one more month with her.

Two: In Spain occassionally I have these dreams where I wake up knowing that I was in deep love in the dream, and it was one of the most profound, fulfilling feelings ever. I wake up with that feeling still there. This happened last night.

So much is realized in retrospect.

Annis on the hilltop

Yesterdy Alyssa and I went for a short walk in the April drizzle, making our way through the curving streets of the Albaiycin where a new route landed us up front and personal with an exploration opportunity. Crazy huge ruin-looking things. We took the opportunity and climbed around to explore, eventually spotting a group in the distance on what looked like the old terrace part of the structure. There, we ran into Andrea, my flatmate, and ended up getting sucked into the group for the rest of the night. This included countless annis shots (to enhance our cultural education), a lot of red wine and tapas, moustaches, dogs, dancing, one of the more splendid flats I've seen in Granada, great people, international fusion, and a renewed love for Spain and Europe.

Seriously, though. I'm totally in it right now. And Alyssa and I go to Barcelona this weekend so things can only get better! The momentum soars and I wonder if I am perhaps cutting the European adventure short. I'll let you know when I get back. Also, I'm reminded that I owe you a Portgual tale. Have you checked out the pictures, though? The pictures tell a fair deal. Here's the link again: http://picasaweb.google.es/mallory.nezam/PORTUGAL#

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

The End is Near and Nigh

The most lessons you learn, those that you will really impliment into the reality of your existence, lessons which you will actually use to perform the act which you will be responsible for above all over things: living--you learn not inside the classroom. Yes, the real lessons, the really hard stuff (because you must understand, interlize, perform and then entirely actualize) you learn by doing; you learn by trying. I had a very late night conversation with a good friend Matt Freese via Skype the other night and one thing we discussed has stuck with me the past few days. Matt, who is I think 1.5 yrs old than myself spoke of how the real challenge--a challenge that he didn't realize until he had to do the starting to live life thing--, is implimenting ideas. For example, Matt said that he wants to live a happy, healthy and full life, but what does that mean. What are the components of a happy, healthy, full life, and how do we put that together from day to day? In college they do a great job of teaching us how to come up with great ideas, and that's the start, but what about actualizing those things? There are the few kids who really do push forth and grapple with that in college--the Student Senate presidents, the pioneers of new organizations, kids throwing the large, school-wide events, etc. There are some ways to get that experience in college, but when you leave college, EVERYTHING suddenly becomes one of those tasks where you have to impliment ideas you have in to action, into a feasable, tangeable, live-able reality. Otherwise, they are just ideas floating around, and while they can often be poetic and beautiful in their immateriality and ephemereality, they can only be poetic if coupled with actualized endeavours. Otherwise, they are just unrealistic and almost (can I say this? will you kill me?) sad.

This, in combination with things Sophie and I were saying during a quick chat, re: "Nobody tells you _______ (specifically pertaining to like after college)"...The secret life after school-life, where the main challenge is that NOBODY tells you anything. You must peice it together with the ammunition you've got, that you've gained, and they you can find availible to you. (Another thing I've learned [sidenote]: So much is availible to you. You just must know where to find it and how to get it. The WORLD is availible to you. Look for what you want. Find it hiding in the creavasses and grab it, tightly, like a lizzard trying to get away, and examine it, try it, do it).

Wow. How much this past year has changed me. It's almost May, which means the full year anniversary of alumni-hood. I feel so much older in an age-grants-wisdom kind of way.

Spain is coming to an end rather soon and I simply can't believe it. Time flies, always. I've had to start getting into next-phase-of-my-life gear and that could land me honestly anywhere. I'm looking at opportunies in the following cities: STL, Chi, SF, NYC, Boston (these cities bc they are places where I could potentially lives cheaply with housing hook-ups), with the openness for something INTL should I come across it (but I'm not aiming for it, principally). STL is the most likely candidate because I feel that I must return home to a place where I can slow down and deal with the injury before I can ever regain my strength (all ways?) again. I hope this is a true thing and a wise idea. Because, honeslty, I'd rather not be home. The thought of sleeping in that same bedroom gives me chills--literally chills. Although I will be fiercely ecstatic to see MarieKevKyleLaurenEmanCourtDanDanielLindsmyFamily and all the other crazy folks that I love in St. Louis. All of you.

So it could be a good summer if I can find some meaningful things to do, and if I can check knee-healing off of my list of things to have completed in life.

My mom used to sing this to me when I was a kid. It beats within my heart, consequently. Amazing how everything effects us so deeply when we are children. This is something I have learned teaching here.

People
People who need people
are the luckiest people
in the world

(Listen to the song!)

Next trip: Thursday morning (EARLY) I head out to Barcelona for 5 days! Ya.

Pues, Nada.

The moon hung
into my mouth.

Merry Tuesday night.

It struck me

She told me, "la fregona es más sucio que el suelo".

Ferris Bueller should have spent some time abroad

Life moves very fast in the United States.

Here's to new perspectives.


Tea. Air. Thoughts. Suficiente

Someone visits Spain..

This just in!!:

Spongebob literally just flew by me. It's night here, I'm out on my balcony, and I see something in my periphery and spongebob comes ROUNDING THE CORNER!!!!! and I was like..SPONGEBOB!!!!! HEY!!! He came in balloon form and he just floated on through my life. Just like that he was there and then he wandered off into the Granada night sky and I watched him wistfully.

Good moment. Very good moment, Spain.

What one wants

I have been inspired. Writing to commence.

Today's Good

Today's a good day. I now own these, for example:

I change my mind so quickly.

Written Yesterday

Written yesterday:

I miss Catherine Sophie Naguine Olga Alison Kari Tyler Kevin Jake Olivia Abbey Alex my family my cats Kyle Raphael Marie Courtney Emanuel Daniel Lindsay Paul Lauren Matt. Some of you occupy my conscious thoughts even multiple times per week! Sometimes in the peripheries of my unconscious thoughts, you make appearances. And in my dreams. Last night I had a particularly strong one and when I took a siesta today, another equally powerful one. Some of you played big parts. One of you surprised me and then we surprised another, and in another dream, I killed one of you (oops!). [I've been writing down a lot of my dreams here in random scrap pieces of paper that I will probably come across later maybe when I'm living in New York one day rummaging through old luggage.

I think I might be ready to come home. That's all there is to it! I'm not going to lie--I looked around my room today for my American cell phone just to read through old text messages-->that's how homesick I am. My travels to Portgual (a great country which you will hear about in a few days, fret not) taught me that maybe I am a little done with Europe for the time being. It taught me that perhaps right now (I can't make real generalizations about 'this stage of my life' because my mind changes really quickly!) it is not the place but the people. I'm going with that.

So what does that mean for the rest of my time here? Well, it means that, firstly, if I get this internship in Wales, I will work on a plan to stay in Europe until the end of June (which I have semi-devised). If not, I could come back as early as the begining of June.

I know one thing. And maybe ONLY one thing: Love. And I'm talking a different kind.

Portugal Photos

Click me to view photos from Portugal!