Cute couple asleep (upon each other) on train, behind me. Only exacerbates my feeling of sinking into loneliness and wanting to feel the intimacy and love of this type of relationship. Yes, true that I have been feeling like I want a relationship lately. I've never felt that before (because typically, I am already in one), but I think it is probably a symptom of me slowly detaching myself from things, places, people, in order to advance forth into this new stage of my life, this independent waif stage--this has left me feeling particularly lonely, emotionally and connectively isolated (redundant? whatever its working for me) [because i have to be so in order to ever really enjoy my time abroad and scurry about like a psycho bunny that i have become] and maybe therefore craving this intimacy/something or someone to go through it all with, and to have to fall back on and into in every sense of falling on and into. This pushing away so as to move somewhere else, I really don't like. I wish I could take all the people and places and things I care about with me. Obviously this is unrealistic, but then it gets me to thinkin about what Sophie and I have been talkin about lately, which is if people really are a huge part of my/our life/ves then why not and how come I don't keep these things central in my decisions, then? Perhaps I will..when roam around the world adventure stage is done, because let's just face it: it is completely impossible to drag 8 places and 20 people with me everywhere I go (I mean literally, I can't check that much luggage on a plane..would cost me a fortune!) so when I ask for this lifestyle and these adventures, I am asking for something that I must and can only do alone. So here I go.
Two things, which are actually words of advice from Sophie's mother:
love and purpose seem to work together
and "life is only figured out for an hour at a time"
Sophie's mother is so wise.
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You've voiced a lot of my own feelings, at this parallel point in my life. It is lonely, and counter intuitive. Is it so bad to make decisions with loved ones in mind? But there are things we have to do alone. And it's beautiful and lonely, like mountainous country.
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